As many of you already know I am currently seeing a counselor and trying to not only recover from this relationship but also some of my past not related to the relationship. I can feel the depression kind of lifting off of me and I contribute that to not only therapy but also the grace of God. I think that healing takes time and lots of prayer and advice from counselors and loved ones who have your best interest at heart. What I came to realize is that I DO NOT want to be that bitter ex-girlfriend who constantly talks about the failed relationship over and over again. I don't want to be a man hater and swear off dating for the rest of my life. I want God to send me a mate that is right for me and in His perfect timing. Will I go on dating sites again? I'm going to say probably not at this point in time but who knows what the future holds.
On to the forgiveness part of the story and how that looks for me. I don't believe that forgiving means forgetting or that I have to be friends with the person or persons I am forgiving. Forgiving to me means letting go of the past wrongs and hurt and choosing to not let hate consume me. I see it as something I am doing for myself not for someone else. I am choosing to forgive this man because I am tired of dwelling on what went down between us. I am choosing to forgive him because he was once a small child that got hurt in a traumatic way and because of that has turned into a man who cannot let go of hurts and wrongs done to him. Does this excuse his behavior towards me and others? No I don't think so, I think it just explains and helps me understand who he is and why. I was going to go meet the current ex-girlfriend and get some things of mine that she has but I've decided not to do that. I've decided that the things are not that important and can be replaced. I want to continue blogging as I continue healing but I will no longer bash anyone and keep going over the things that have been said and done. I don't regret sharing those things with you but for my sanity I am choosing to move onward and upward from here. So if you hear me reverting back to the bashing or hear me talking about how I was done wrong please call me out. Remind me that I have moved on and am learning to come into my own. I hope you all continue to read my blog and share in my journey of recovery. Until next time...
